Infidelity, Flirting and Little White Lies

"Your lipstick, his collar.. don't bother Angel I know exactly what goes on..."
- Taking Back Sunday, Cute Without The 'E' (Cut From The Team)

Infidelity

Unfaithfulness, cheating, adultery, disloyalty, betrayal... All come down to the same thing. 22 percent of married men say they have strayed at least once during their married lives and 14 percent of married women say the same. So infidelity is quite common and in the modern day it is becoming easier for people to have affairs, especially with out 24hour life styles and the Internet.

But why do people cheat and have affairs?

According to AskMen.com top 10 reasons men cheat are

1. because they are not sexually satisfied by their partner


2. because they were cheated on first


3. because it was challenging and exciting


4. because they can get away with it


5. because it boosts their ego


6. because the opportunity was there


7. because they had a nagging girlfriend


8. because women let them


9. because their girlfriends don't turn them on anymore


10. and because they don't love their partner anymore

AskMen.com also claim that the top 10 reasons women cheat are

1. not getting enough sex


2. because they want to be a 'bad girl'


3. for their self esteem


4. as revenge or payback for past wrongs (not including cheating)


5. due to a lack of intimacy


6. because they feel neglected, ignored or under appreciated


7. due to their partners emotional withdrawal


8. because they're bored in the bedroom


9. as an exit strategy


10. as revenge for being cheated on

It would again seem that from both these lists there is mostly a sexual motive, which would suggest that infidelity is driven by lust.

However some claim that it is just our biology. If the purpose of the human race is to successfully reproduce and to create as many offspring as possible, so that your genetic make up will be continued then monogamy goes against this. The majority of mistresses men choose are young, fertile looking women, and women normally pick successful, attractive me to have an affair with.

Empowerment of Women

Most of the time, during an affair, it is the woman who is ultimately in control. If a woman is not married, an affair with a married man gives her a lot of power over him (for example she can make any demands that she wishes and if they are not met she can threaten to tell his wife) and if she is married it can can make her feel in control of her marriage and provide her with extra stability.

The women who engage in affairs have to be strong, persuasive women. For the most part it is still seen as a male world, so for a women to be able to control a man gives her a lot of power. Women are able to start and end relationships as they please, embrace or ignore sexual advances from men, control how fast a relationship moves, gain material advantage over men and expand their life in a number of ways.

In films etc a woman in an affair is often shown as controlling, irresistible, exotic and exciting. She will also been seen to pander to a mans every need. However in doing this she ensures that the man always comes crawling back to her, especially when his wife kicks him out, and, when she gets bored she can just drop him as quickly as she trapped him. Occasionally the woman is shown as innocent and naive and through this innocence and naivety is drawn towards a powerful, interesting man who takes advantage of her vunerable state. But normally it is the sultry siren who is depicted.

Flirting

I would never ever cheat on my boyfriend, but I'm the first to admit that I'm a terrible flirt. Flirting is good for your soul; its fun, gives you confidence and it is normally perfectly harmless - things normally only turn sour when there are not good intentions or one party get the wrong idea. But comes the problem of where the line is crossed between flirting and cheating... Is it the sly smile exchanged with an attractive stranger? or the quick peck on the cheek? and if you're out somewhere without your partner, is accepting someones number, without mentioning that fact that you're not single, cheating?

Some people would take the view that any form of flirting is cheating and others would say that a quick kiss and fumble is perfectly acceptable. Others would say that flirting actually strengthens their relationship...

Finally

"It is love rather than sexual lust or unbridled sexuality if, in addition to the need or want involved, there is also some impulse to give pleasure to the persons thus loved and not merely to use them for our own selfish pleasure." Mortimer Adler